Hello my Babblejuicers,
It’s been a while since I have posted anything related to allergies and anything of the sort.
However, I wanted to share my experience with acne which according to me, has been the bane of my existence.
Acne, oh how I detest you !
I remember getting my first spot when I was in the 6th grade when my classmate pointed out that I had a pimple on my cheek. I think I told her it was a mosquito bite. I guess I never realised that I had a pimple before she told me. I just brushed it off without giving it a second thought.
Even though I still got the odd spot after that during my special lady time, it di n’t bother me much. It was only after I turned fifteen that I started breaking out on my cheeks. I was in boarding school at the time, living in a dorm, surround by plenty of my fellow females. And trust me, I was reminded all the time that I had acne as if I didn’t know. My roommates always pointed it out. It was only after this that I felt very self-conscious and ashamed of skin. I was ashamed of myself.
“What did you say Amanda. Sorry, I just can’t concentrate on what you’re saying with all those pimples staring at me. Haha”. “Oh my, your face look horrible, at least wash your face !” This was just the beginning of what was going to get worse. As my skin got worse so did the comments. And with it, all my self-esteem, confidence, and social skills went down the drain. Every day I was reminded that I was just plain ugly.
(And the worst part is now when I look at photos of my boarding school days, there are hardly any spots on my face. Aargh, then why was I bullied so much for nothing. Why are we humans so mean to each other ? Why ?)
Me, at fifteen and hating the camera !
When you’re at such an age, words stick very easily, it’s hard to shake the dust. Acne is more than skin deep it affects your mind and people’s words definitely poisoned me. I refused to look in the mirror and would prefer to turn the light’s off in the bathroom when washing my face. I would often sob in bathrooms and in my room at night. I am sure many of you who have gone through this can understand my ordeal. Though many times I do wish I could have been stronger.
After two years, I was really glad to get out of boarding school and be away from all the shaming. But even though I was miles away from school, the damage was done. And the thing with acne is, the more you stress about it, the worse it gets. I had cystic acne by this time. And believe me, it got worse. And the comments of classmates were never more alive in my mind as it was then. I couldn’t make eye contact with people, I pretended to be ill during social events, I drowned my 5ft self in baggy clothes.
For my skin, I tried everything, every home remedy known to mankind. But I had never seen a dermatologist. It was life changing.
To be continued…